1. |
laughing your eyes out
05:03
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the shittiest feeling is writing two albums about one person
and finding out they never loved you
but honestly I can't even tell because you're so fickle
I asked you if you thought I didn't deserve you and you said that I did
you said you don't deserve me
and then you deserted me
do you even realize how that fucking stabbed me?
the more I postpone writing about you, the more I fucking bleed
I know it seems so dumb to you but not to me
You'll probably never hear this on your own
you'll probably never google it
you'll probably never pick up the phone
4 months and I was over you
then you came into my life
and made me feel like I renewed
and then you punches me in the gut with your words
at 2 'oclock on a sunday
or was it a saturday
it doesnt matter
anyway
it's all over
you will never change and I can't change you
I can't change you
Look, I'm doing you a favor, I said
you should be with someone whos proud of you
but you treat me like shit
I wrote you a mixtape with 20 something songs about
how much your eyes glistened
and I never gave it to you
what was I supposed to do?
you said you loved me
and then you said that I'm not special
and I have so much to learn
you were probably laughing your eyes out
you were probably laughing your eyes out
and I was crying my eyes out
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2. |
reply
03:47
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when I saw you, we ran towards one another and embraced
I hadn't seen you in a year and some days
when I held your hand and said I missed you,
I didn't mean to start a war
when I held your hand and said I missed you I don't know what they're fighting for
when I swung on the rope across the ditch
I didn't mean to pull you in too
I see the videos you make with all your sorrow
and I want to say that it's perfect but I can't be find out
lurking around these quarters
I'm sorry that, "I love you" has to be a curse
I'm sorry that "you're my best friend" has to be reversed
you sing like an angel
and you found me in ways I haven't found myself
your parents came to my doorstep and told my mother
about the sinful nature
I don't understand why love is bad
or why we kill everything we have
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3. |
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as a kid I thought one should live forever
if I could not smoke enough cigarettes I'd live forever
if I drank enough water Id be immortal
as a teenager I thought I could run forever
or sprint in surges and pass out on the floor
I used to think I could travel forever
leave behind every face like a perfect mime
through pills bend space, time
I told everyone I'd never felt so happy and free
but the latter was true
and the latter was true
everything is so dimensional
everything sparkles in its own unique light
light
light
light
I'm glad that when I'm 80 or 70 or 60 I might die
I might die
or I might not
I might not
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4. |
full, dull, null
03:54
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how can you make my heart so full and dull at the same time?
you brought me to life then killed me
with your bare hands
you gouged into my bruise
and flushed my cheeks
I don't have to wear blush anymore
I'm always thinking about the last words you said to me
and that was actually just the word "wow" at my stupidity
apparently you hate me
all I ever did was love you and care for you and tell you
and you used it against me
all I ever did was open my heart
all I ever did was stare into your eyes
and tell you youre so pretty
Im so sad when I wake up and realize this is real
you're blocked on all social media
I don't even have to see your dumb statuses anymore
but last night I saw an old photograph and I just broke down
your eyes used to have so much light and now youre gone
now youre gone
but the last time I saw you I could tell
there was some light flickering through
underneath your facade of darkness
I swear I saw some trust in you although you swear you don't trust anyone
and you fell into my arms and I caught you
in the shadows looking around
and you said goodnight and I said I love you
and you said you love me too, you said.
I'm in love with a monster.
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5. |
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6. |
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I don't care if you like this
I don't care if you like me
I dont care iabout your opinion
I dont care, I dont care
I dont care if you think Im unaware of your pointing
I dont care if you're laughing at this
I dont see why I should pretend to be what youd expect
Im so tired of being a concept
im just trying to get by
Im surrounding my life with different things that will make me okay
at the moment
maybe youve never been on your knees
maybe you have
maybe you dont know that Im drowning
maybe you do
but please dont tell me what I need to be for you
Im trying to get over my general guilt for being alive and being myself
I understand I have weaknesses, we all do
but please dont stomp on me with your grimy shoes
I dont care if you think Im dumb
I dont care if you think Im a slut
I dont care
I dont
I dont care if you like me
I dont care if you think Im
disgusting
I dont care
I dont care
I dont care
I dont
I dont
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7. |
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I went to Pittsburgh to clear my name
I left Texas to clear my head
today I blew up some balloons
today one of my prior best friends told me about a hit and run they saw
today my friend Brian Morales got hit by a car and survived
I saw it on Instagram, I know it happened
Lately Ive felt so disconnected
but I believe, all I need is to breathe
I find it kinda funny how the rhythms don't match up
I just want to talk about the things my head spills out
I'm playing two chords because I want you to stop ignoring me
today I was so scared when the teacher handed out the wrong quiz
today I realized Im obsessed with time
and I've been collecting pictures of dead people I don't know
you told me that was insane, but so is living and ignoring death
and one day I'll put them in an exhibition with the birthday candles that I kept
I can't read rhythms
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8. |
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I don't understand why I'm expected to cry
I don't understand why I do so often
I cry when Im happy
I cry when Im sad
I cry when Im angry
I cry when Im mad
I cry when Im happy
I cry when Im sad
I cry when Im sick
and I cry when Im mad
everything moves so fucking fast
I can barely breathe or see
some people dont understand anxiety
I cant stop crying
I cry when Im happy
I cry when Im sad
I cry when Im sick
I cry when Im mad
I cry when Im anxious
I cry when Im confused
I cry when Im sick
I cry when Im amused
I cry when I laugh
I cry when I sleep
I cry when I sing
I cry when I pee
I cry in bed
I cry outside
I cry in the kitchen
I cry
my favourite place to cry is the bathtub cause I can just was it off
my least favourite place to cry is at school cause everyone looks at me like Im a a tool.
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9. |
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every night my scabs crust over
and my bruises purple
every night my back aches
who do you think that you are to ask me where Im going
as if I can tell you what you
want to hear the glass is overflowing on the curtains
you set me on the window sill
every night my scabs crust over
and my bruises heal
every night my back breaks
Im a train going off its track
Im trying to be who I was in the future
every day I think it over
is it better or worse
to keep going like Ive been
every night my scabs crust over
and my bruises purple
every night my back aches
it breaks
who are you to ask me
where Im going
as if I can tell you what you want to know
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10. |
anoxemia
05:04
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11. |
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I dont know why I kept you letters that I never read again
I dont know why I kept pretending we're all dead in the end
I dont know I throught it over
I searched the depths of the ocean
I dont know it hurts me
I dont know why Im not me
I dont know why I felt better when I wasnt myself
I dont know why I erased my humanity for this lapse of health
he was never enough
it was never enough
he was never enough
I was never warm enough without it in my stomach
kills your brain cells, they tell you
you wont live to 102
you wont live to see the future
you wont ever be the perfect grandmother
I dont know why
I dont know why it still hurts me
I dont know why
I dont know why
I dont know why
passing
departing
leaving
sighing
your last breath
signing papers of death
cutting the cords
cutting the cords
cutting the cords
cutting the cords
like cutting to the chorus
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Tyburn Woods Collective Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Small DIY tape and record label from Pittsburgh
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