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something about a new exciting future called promising untold happiness

by Kill The Intellectuals

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1.
the shittiest feeling is writing two albums about one person and finding out they never loved you but honestly I can't even tell because you're so fickle I asked you if you thought I didn't deserve you and you said that I did you said you don't deserve me and then you deserted me do you even realize how that fucking stabbed me? the more I postpone writing about you, the more I fucking bleed I know it seems so dumb to you but not to me You'll probably never hear this on your own you'll probably never google it you'll probably never pick up the phone 4 months and I was over you then you came into my life and made me feel like I renewed and then you punches me in the gut with your words at 2 'oclock on a sunday or was it a saturday it doesnt matter anyway it's all over you will never change and I can't change you I can't change you Look, I'm doing you a favor, I said you should be with someone whos proud of you but you treat me like shit I wrote you a mixtape with 20 something songs about how much your eyes glistened and I never gave it to you what was I supposed to do? you said you loved me and then you said that I'm not special and I have so much to learn you were probably laughing your eyes out you were probably laughing your eyes out and I was crying my eyes out
2.
reply 03:47
when I saw you, we ran towards one another and embraced I hadn't seen you in a year and some days when I held your hand and said I missed you, I didn't mean to start a war when I held your hand and said I missed you I don't know what they're fighting for when I swung on the rope across the ditch I didn't mean to pull you in too I see the videos you make with all your sorrow and I want to say that it's perfect but I can't be find out lurking around these quarters I'm sorry that, "I love you" has to be a curse I'm sorry that "you're my best friend" has to be reversed you sing like an angel and you found me in ways I haven't found myself your parents came to my doorstep and told my mother about the sinful nature I don't understand why love is bad or why we kill everything we have
3.
as a kid I thought one should live forever if I could not smoke enough cigarettes I'd live forever if I drank enough water Id be immortal as a teenager I thought I could run forever or sprint in surges and pass out on the floor I used to think I could travel forever leave behind every face like a perfect mime through pills bend space, time I told everyone I'd never felt so happy and free but the latter was true and the latter was true everything is so dimensional everything sparkles in its own unique light light light light I'm glad that when I'm 80 or 70 or 60 I might die I might die or I might not I might not
4.
how can you make my heart so full and dull at the same time? you brought me to life then killed me with your bare hands you gouged into my bruise and flushed my cheeks I don't have to wear blush anymore I'm always thinking about the last words you said to me and that was actually just the word "wow" at my stupidity apparently you hate me all I ever did was love you and care for you and tell you and you used it against me all I ever did was open my heart all I ever did was stare into your eyes and tell you youre so pretty Im so sad when I wake up and realize this is real you're blocked on all social media I don't even have to see your dumb statuses anymore but last night I saw an old photograph and I just broke down your eyes used to have so much light and now youre gone now youre gone but the last time I saw you I could tell there was some light flickering through underneath your facade of darkness I swear I saw some trust in you although you swear you don't trust anyone and you fell into my arms and I caught you in the shadows looking around and you said goodnight and I said I love you and you said you love me too, you said. I'm in love with a monster.
5.
6.
I don't care if you like this I don't care if you like me I dont care iabout your opinion I dont care, I dont care I dont care if you think Im unaware of your pointing I dont care if you're laughing at this I dont see why I should pretend to be what youd expect Im so tired of being a concept im just trying to get by Im surrounding my life with different things that will make me okay at the moment maybe youve never been on your knees maybe you have maybe you dont know that Im drowning maybe you do but please dont tell me what I need to be for you Im trying to get over my general guilt for being alive and being myself I understand I have weaknesses, we all do but please dont stomp on me with your grimy shoes I dont care if you think Im dumb I dont care if you think Im a slut I dont care I dont I dont care if you like me I dont care if you think Im disgusting I dont care I dont care I dont care I dont I dont
7.
I went to Pittsburgh to clear my name I left Texas to clear my head today I blew up some balloons today one of my prior best friends told me about a hit and run they saw today my friend Brian Morales got hit by a car and survived I saw it on Instagram, I know it happened Lately Ive felt so disconnected but I believe, all I need is to breathe I find it kinda funny how the rhythms don't match up I just want to talk about the things my head spills out I'm playing two chords because I want you to stop ignoring me today I was so scared when the teacher handed out the wrong quiz today I realized Im obsessed with time and I've been collecting pictures of dead people I don't know you told me that was insane, but so is living and ignoring death and one day I'll put them in an exhibition with the birthday candles that I kept I can't read rhythms
8.
I don't understand why I'm expected to cry I don't understand why I do so often I cry when Im happy I cry when Im sad I cry when Im angry I cry when Im mad I cry when Im happy I cry when Im sad I cry when Im sick and I cry when Im mad everything moves so fucking fast I can barely breathe or see some people dont understand anxiety I cant stop crying I cry when Im happy I cry when Im sad I cry when Im sick I cry when Im mad I cry when Im anxious I cry when Im confused I cry when Im sick I cry when Im amused I cry when I laugh I cry when I sleep I cry when I sing I cry when I pee I cry in bed I cry outside I cry in the kitchen I cry my favourite place to cry is the bathtub cause I can just was it off my least favourite place to cry is at school cause everyone looks at me like Im a a tool.
9.
every night my scabs crust over and my bruises purple every night my back aches who do you think that you are to ask me where Im going as if I can tell you what you want to hear the glass is overflowing on the curtains you set me on the window sill every night my scabs crust over and my bruises heal every night my back breaks Im a train going off its track Im trying to be who I was in the future every day I think it over is it better or worse to keep going like Ive been every night my scabs crust over and my bruises purple every night my back aches it breaks who are you to ask me where Im going as if I can tell you what you want to know
10.
anoxemia 05:04
11.
I dont know why I kept you letters that I never read again I dont know why I kept pretending we're all dead in the end I dont know I throught it over I searched the depths of the ocean I dont know it hurts me I dont know why Im not me I dont know why I felt better when I wasnt myself I dont know why I erased my humanity for this lapse of health he was never enough it was never enough he was never enough I was never warm enough without it in my stomach kills your brain cells, they tell you you wont live to 102 you wont live to see the future you wont ever be the perfect grandmother I dont know why I dont know why it still hurts me I dont know why I dont know why I dont know why passing departing leaving sighing your last breath signing papers of death cutting the cords cutting the cords cutting the cords cutting the cords like cutting to the chorus

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released February 10, 2015

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Tyburn Woods Collective Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Small DIY tape and record label from Pittsburgh

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